Broken & Dead Inside
by LeahMarie
Summary: This story takes place when Jeff leaves the WWE. Everyone thinks he is a drug addict and everyone turns there backs on him except his brother Matt. But what will happen the day Jeff decides to leave the WWE? Will Matt accuse him a doing drugs too?
1. This Is My December

**This story is based off a Jeff Hardy video I made, if you'd like to see it after you read this story please let me know. Song I used in this story is "My December" by. Linkin Park. **

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_This is my December…_

A tear drop hitting the floor and muffled sobs were the only sounds to be heard in the empty locker room, he sat in the dark his head bowed as so many emotions filled his already aching heart. He had lost the most important person in his life, his brother, he was all he had left since everyone else turned their backs on him and now he was all alone and unwanted. He sighed as more tears fell down his face and he angrily wiped them away, ashamed that he was crying like a child. He could still see the look of disgust and disappointment on his brother's face, he put his head in his hands as the memories came back to him,

"_Matt what's wrong with you?" Jeff asked to the retreating back of his brother._

_Ever since Jeff started coming late to work Matt had been acting so different and now that Jeff asked Vince for time off Matt wasn't even noticing him._

_Matt turned around causing Jeff to almost slam into him, He looked up into his eyes full of rage and disgust and he looked back in confusion, "I should be asking you the same thing Jeffrey."_

_Jeff flinched the only time he was called Jeffrey was when he was in trouble, but what had he done? _

"_I don't understand Matt, please tell me what I did." He pleaded._

"_I know why you've been late to work Jeff." He said glaring at his younger brother, "You're a drug addict."_

_For a moment Jeff forgot how to breathe and he stumbled back, did he hear his own brother call him a drug addict? He stared in shock as pain filled his heart, "Matt you know I don't do drugs." He whispered hoarsely._

_Matt laughed, "Well you're behavior sure proves that." _

_Tears were starting to fog Jeff's vision, "Matt you know I'm tired, I've been wrestling for so long now. I need a break!" He said in defense._

"_I still believe you're an addict and I don't want to see you again, do you hear me Jeff? Don't call me, don't come by my house, I don't ever want to see you again!" Matt yelled getting into Jeff's terrified and hurt face._

"_Matt," Jeff choked out, "I thought we were brothers."_

"_You are no brother of mine." He spat, Jeff stared pleadingly at Matt, but he ignored him and walked out of the locker room slamming the door behind him._

_Jeff let out a sob and finally let the tears roll down his cheeks._

_**This is all so clear…**_

Jeff squeezed his eyes shut as the pain the memory caused filled his heart, _How could he do this to me? Families aren't suppose to turned their backs on each other. Why is this happening to me?_ Jeff lifted his head out of his hands and rubbed at his red puffy eyes. His heart felt like it was being stabbed and the one holding that knife was his only brother and he was the only one who could get it out and erase that pain. Jeff shook his head, _That'll never happen, Matt's always been stubborn he'll never believe me. _More tears slipped down his face as he realized this,

"Oh god Matt, why can't you just believe me!" Jeff sobbed out to the darkness that surrounded him.

Jeff didn't even care that he was sitting in the dark, nothing mattered to him anymore. He wouldn't even care if he died, because his soul died the moment his brother walked out of his life. Jeff let out a gasp as the light came on and he quickly wiped at his eyes and turned to see his former friend, Shannon standing in the door way. Once Shannon saw Jeff he gave him a cold stare and silently walked over to his bags and collected all his things. As he was about to walk out he turned around and glared at Jeff,

"You really fucked things up this time Hardy. You have no one to blame but yourself!" He spat out in disgust causing Jeff to flinch.

Shannon shook his head and walked out, once the door shut Jeff hung his head down and let out a shaky sigh.

_**This is me alone…**_

"Maybe he's right." Jeff thought out loud, "If I wasn't always late for work and acting lazy then maybe they wouldn't think I was on drugs." Letting out a long sigh Jeff slowly got up and grabbed his things and walked out of the locker room for the last time.

As he slowly walked down the halls memories of the good times he had with his brother came rushing back to him, Raw at the same arena they won the tag titles against Edge and Christian in the cage match. For so long they thought they would never win the tag titles again. But that night Vince announced they would and when Jeff climbed over that cage with his brother he felt so alive and was filled with such a relief that their hunt for the gold was finally over.

Jeff frowned as he remembered the hug that they shared and felt more tear welling in his eyes, he looked down and tried the erase that memory from his mind completely.

_**Give it all away, just to have somewhere to go to. **_

When Jeff arrived back at the hotel he felt like a zombie, he was so drained from the emotions he was going through and now he just felt completely numb. As he approached his door he noticed it was cracked open, curious he opened it and peeked inside. There was a huge pile of stuff on his bed, he walked over and gasped at what he saw. Pictures, clothing, jewelry, and other things were piled on his bed, all were things Jeff had given Matt. Jeff looked at everything in sadness, years of memories with his brother were laying on his bed.

_**Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed….**_

Jeff fell to the floor, the mental drainage was making him more weak and no one was there to make it any better. Jeff stared off into space, all these thoughts and questions were running through his mind at once. Finally he couldn't take it anymore, he jumped up and screamed out as he reached his breaking point and starting throwing things around the room. Everything that was on his bed was now on the floor, glass from the picture frames went flying as they were thrown up against the wall. Jeff's eyes were fogged by tears flowing down his face, as he reached for another object to throw he stopped and he felt it was smooth and thin. He lifted his hand up to his face and saw it was a piece of paper.

Sitting down on the bed he opened it up with trembling fingers,

_Dear Jeff, _

_Here is all you_r _stuff, I no longer have any need of it. I want everything that reminds me of you gone. You are not my brother anymore, you are a disappointment and you disgust me. I hope to never see you again Jeff, have a nice life….that is if you call being a drug addict a nice life._

_Matt_

Jeff stared blankly at the piece of paper, he had no more tears to cry, he'd already cried them all out. There were no more emotions he could express he just felt lifeless, his whole world had been torn apart and all because his brother couldn't see the truth.

_**Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that.**_

Jeff let the paper fall from his hands and he collapsed on the bed and looked up at the ceiling with a blank stare. He didn't even feel his cell phone vibrating in his pocket until he heard it make a beep sound. Moaning he took it out and saw he had a voice mail. Hoping it was Matt calling to apologize he quickly dialed the voicemail number and frowned when he heard his ex's voice,

"Hey Jeff, just calling to let you know I got all my stuff out of your house today." There was a long pause and Jeff was about to hang up when he heard her speak again, "I can't believe your doing this Jeff." she sobbed, "You completely threw away our relationship and for what? To get high?"

Jeff flinched and felt the anger start to rise in him, _I'm not a fucking drug addict!!!_

He heard her let out a sigh, "I hope you find what you are looking for in life, Goodbye Jeff."

He quickly hung up the phone before that annoying person asked if he wanted to delete the message and fell back onto his bed and closed his eyes, _My life has officially come to an end_

"I have no one, what am I suppose to do?" He asked to the heavens hoping for some kind of a sign that things would get better.

He frowned when he got none and turned on his side, his eye caught a picture of him and Matt hanging out at his home. Jeff propped himself up on his elbow and grabbed the picture and studied it in sadness.

"Oh Matty." He sighed. "If only you knew how much you are killing me."

_**This is my December. ****

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**What did you think? Please let me know and also should I continue this story? Don't forget to ask me for the video that inspired me to write this story!!**


	2. I Know Your Out There

**I'm so sorry I haven't updated this story, I'm not really into writing fanfiction anymore because I found something I'm actually good at which is video editing. I'am going to complete this story though and its going to be my last one here. Sorry everyone. :(**

**Song used in this chapter is "Somewhere Out There" by Our Lady Peace and its in Matt's POV from the first chapter. Matt mentioned in his blog on myspace that this song reminded him of Jeff and I think it fits the story situation too. So I hope you all enjoy.

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**Shock was the only thing that was showing in my dark brown eyes, I just couldn't believe what he had just said. Sure I should have been expecting it, he's changed so much in the last few months. Still I had to ask just to make sure it was true, 

"You're what?"

"I told you Matt, I'm leaving, I asked Vince for some time off." Hearing the hint of nervousness in my little brother's voice didn't stop me from what came out of my mouth next,

"May I ask why the hell are you leaving Jeff? Is it because you are so damn drugged up that you can't even come to work or even function here?"

Jeff flinched and stared at me with wide hurt eyes, "Matt…"

Frustrated and disgusted I cut him off, "No forget it Jeff."

Before Jeff could protest again I turned around and walked away, not even realizing Jeff needed me now more than ever….

_**Last time I talked to you  
You were lonely and out of place…**_

A million thoughts raced through my mind as I stormed down the hallway, I just couldn't believe how much he had changed. He was not the same carefree, wild, happy little brother that he use to be. There have been so many times that I've tried to help him, tried to get him back to his old self and now I just didn't care anymore, I've given up.

"Matt what's wrong with you?"

I stopped dead in my tracks and clinched my fists, _How dare he ask what's wrong with me! Does he not realize what he's doing?_ Spinning around so fast I caused Jeff to slam into me, but I didn't care I just glared at him in rage,

"I should be asking you the same thing Jeffrey!" It was taking everything for me to not scream at him like I wanted to, but instead I stood there waiting for an answer. I saw him flinch and I knew exactly why, I hit that button I knew would make him upset or even worse, furious. Ever since he was little he hated to be called Jeffrey or Jeffy by anyone and he made that perfectly clear, but at the moment I didn't give a damn. All I wanted was for Jeff to hurt like I've been hurting the past few months.

"I don't understand Matt, please tell me what I did." He pleaded at me and I could see the hurt and confusion etched on his face.

"I know why you've been late for work Jeff." I said in a matter of fact tone with a hint of sarcasm as I glared at his hurt expression.

Part of me felt good that I was hurting him and another part was screaming to stop and just forgive and forget. I drowned out that part of me and dug deep inside myself to tell Jeff what I thought of him,

"You're a drug addict!" I yelled as my whole body went numb in rage,

Jeff stumbled back and stared at me like he'd been shot and I was the one holding the gun,

"Matt, you know I don't do drugs." He said it so low that I could barely hear him but I understood every word he said.

I laughed, "Well your behavior sure proves that." Deep down I regretted what I just said as I saw the tears swimming in his green eyes,

"Matt you know I'm tired," he said in a shaky voice, "I've been wrestling for so long now. I need a break!" He screamed the last part at me which threw me a little off guard.

But what he said still didn't convince me that I was wrong, "I still believe you're an addict and I don't want to see you again, do you hear me Jeff?" I was inching up to him till I had him backed against a wall and I was staring right into his hurt eyes with no remorse, "Don't call me, don't come by my house, I don't ever want to see your face again!"

The look on Jeff's face is one I know will forever be in the back of my mind and for a moment I felt like taking him in my arms and apologizing for a lifetime, and what he said next would of caused me to do so but instead I reacted in the complete opposite way,

"Matt, I thought we were brothers." I could hear the tears in his voice and my stubborn heart cracked but not enough to change my mind of what I thought of him,

It took everything to say the last thing I thought I'd ever say to him. Closing my eyes I bowed my head and said sadly,

"You are no brother of mine."

Before I could see his reaction I turned around and walked out of the building as the tears I was holding back slipped from my eyes.

_**I'm waiting for the sky to fall  
I'm waiting for a sign**_

I didn't even look to see if he was following me, really I didn't even care. All I wanted was to get out of there as fast as I could and that's exactly what I did. As I was driving down the road a part of me was starting to regret what I had just done but another part was saying that he deserved it for all he had put me through. For all the times I tried to lend a helping hand and he brushed me off or for all the times I was there for him and instead he flat out told me to fuck off.

I sighed at all those memories as I neared the hotel, noticing that the radio wasn't on made me feel a whole lot worse, if we weren't fighting right now we'd be listening to music and singing along like a bunch of goofs. But like everything else that too had stopped when he changed. I pulled into a parking spot and just sat there for a while, I stared straight ahead in thought and then gasped when a little voice came into my head, _Or am I the one whose changed….._

_**Gonna save you're tired soul  
You're gonna save our lives**_

Opening the door to my room I sadly walked inside and slowly slumped onto the bed. The first thing I laid eyes on was a picture of Jeff and I, for a moment it made me forget all that happened but that moment passed too soon as all the rage and sadness started bubbling up inside me again. Without thinking I grabbed that picture, lifted it into the air to throw it and then stopped as a thought came to me. _Maybe I should give Jeff all of his stuff including the stuff he bought me? _That seemed like a good idea, I certainly didn't want his stuff in my room anymore, the memories of my lost brother were just too painful and it seemed like everything in this room reminded me of him.

I quickly gathered everything that reminded me of him, clothes, pictures, jewelry, and other precious items went flying through the room as I searched for everything that belonged to Jeff and when they were all collected I quickly wrote a note and then stormed out of my room as I made my way to his room. Since it was right next door I made it there in no time, grabbing his key I opened the door and sighed in relief when I realized he wasn't there. But he was there, not physically but spiritually, I could smell his scent in the air and all his things were laid out around the floor, I could feel the pain slowly started to fill my heart and the tears starting to form in my eyes as I slowly walked up to his bed and dropped all his things on top of it. I gave a shaky sigh as I turned around and walked out, not even bothering to close the door or look back.

_**Hope you remember me  
When you're homesick and need a change  
I miss you're purple hair**_

Rubbing at my temples I let out a shaky sob as the tears started to flow down my cheeks, sitting on my bed with my head in my hands memories started to rush to me and I finally started to feel some regret in what I had done. Another sob slipped from lips as more tears and memories began to fog my vision. Slowly lifting my head I looked into the darkness of my room and choked on my words as more tears started to form,

"Oh God Jeff, what've I done."

**_You're falling out of reach  
Defying gravity  
I know you're out there  
Somewhere out there_ **

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Please review and tell me what you think, Ch. 3 is going to be the last chapter but who knows when I'll be able to write it.


	3. Authors Note

**I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you all sooner, I've had people ask me when I'm going to update and I hate to say that I'm never going to finish this story. If you all haven't noticed I have a message that I wrote awhile ago on my page briefly explaining why I'm not writing anymore. I'm sorry to everyone that loved this story and wanted to find out what happened, you'll just have to use your own imagination and make up your own ending to it. Again I'm really sorry.**


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